Polonius’ famous advice to his son Laertes in Shakespeare’s Hamlet includes the phrase, “apparel oft proclaims the man,” often interpreted to mean that what we wear defines who we are. But is that truly the case? The relationship between clothing and identity is far more complex, encompassing cultural expectations, personal expression, and class distinctions.

     Throughout our lives, we conform to social norms regarding dress, often without realizing it. From childhood to adulthood, we adjust our clothing choices to align with those of our families, peers, and society. This may mean discarding unwanted clothing and buying new to keep up with fashion trends. Or adjusting what we wear so that we feel we fit in. Some may recall the panic felt when showing up at a social event either over or underdressed.

     Clothing can serve as a signifier, communicating financial status, social class, and group affiliation. The style of dress detailed in 1980’s The Official Preppy Handbook by Lisa Birnbach (whether taken seriously or not), provided a blueprint for dressing in a way that implied membership in an elite social class. Similarly, an earlier book, Dress for Success by John T. Malloy, taught individuals to dress in ways that enhanced their professional image.

      For generations now, T-shirts and caps have functioned as modern badges of identity, broadcasting political beliefs, social movements, or personal affiliations. What we wear often tells others more about us than we realize—or intend.

     By the time we reach our later years, conformity should no longer concern us. There comes a time when the constraints of fashion and societal standards loosen, allowing for true self-expression. It is then that we can embrace nonconformity, to wear what makes us feel authentic rather than what others expect. However, given this freedom, clothing can often still be a mask of sorts—something we can use to hide behind, to shield our true selves from view.

     Our goal should be the embracing of originality, much like the fashion legend Iris Apfel who recently died at the age of 102. Known for her daring, avant-garde clothing choices, she defied the notions of how older women should dress, thus demonstrating that personal style is an act of self-expression.

     For many years, I made retreats at the Trappist monastery in Kentucky where the monks wear simple brown robes, except when their work requires a more practical attire. Inspired by their example, I adopted a similar approach during my seminary years, wearing only plain gray or black shirts and trousers. This practice was surprisingly liberating as I no longer had to decide what to wear each morning. Like the monks, I found that this simplicity helped me focus more on my inner life rather than my outward appearance.     

    A darker side of fashion is its inherent classism. Designer labels function as status symbols, signaling wealth and exclusivity. This practice reinforces social hierarchies and can make fashion feel exclusionary rather than expressive.

     Also to be considered are the environmental costs of the production of clothing and the fact that most of our apparel is made overseas by women and children, often in harsh working conditions. Additionally, it is difficult to resell, recycle, or repurpose clothing and fabric, which means much of it ends up in landfills or is incinerated.

     There is also a spiritual dimension to clothing and identity. We are called to be true to ourselves, to resist the temptation of judging our insides by others’ outsides. Fashion often makes us compare ourselves to others, valuing our clothes over our true selves.

      Ultimately, clothing choices prompt deeper questions: Who am I? How do I want to feel in my clothes? How do I want to appear when I leave the house for the day? The answers shape not just what we wear but how we live. Even as I reflect on my own choices, I recognize that clothing is both personal and profoundly social.

     When all is said and done, our goal should be to wear what makes us feel most like ourselves, free from the expectations of others. Our attire should reflect how we want to present ourselves to our community and to the world even if it’s unusual or out of the ordinary.

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This piece appeared in the Summer 2025 edition of 3rd Act Magazine.